This is Quackenmom blogging here. You can visit my actual blog at http://quackenbaby.blogspot.com
We just moved to a new state. It's going great! The girls (5 & 7) have almost been in our lives for a year. In fact, it's been over a year since I learned of the girls, and July 13th is the anniversary of the first time we all met. They've come so far in under a year... I can't wait to see what this next year brings for us.
Being in a new neighborhood, we have neighbors with kids the girl's ages. One little girl across the street came over with her dad yesterday, and all three girls played together very well. Half way through the visit, "Neighbor Girl" (8 y/o) came down without the girls, and she said to me, "It is really sad what their other mom did to them. I can't believe she did those things." I just said, "Well some parents have a hard time making good choices, now the girls have a family that makes good choices though."
This prompted me having to inform her dad of the girls "baggage" just so he knew what the girls had told his daughter.
Later in the evening, we went out to dinner, and on the ride home, I talked to the girls about telling people what they endured in their birth home. I explained that it might not be something other kids should know about, and it might make other kids feel uncomfortable because they may not know how to handle hearing about their new friends being hurt by people.
My older daughter said, "Well she asked, what was I supposed to say?" So I told her, "From now on, how about we just say that they weren't able to make the best choices so it was safer for you to live with a new family." She agreed that would be a better response.
It's hard to navigate. She is their first friend outside of school. I feel like we struck a good balance. I don't want my girls to go through life telling their "pity me story" to everyone, because they are safe and happy now. I don't want their "story" to be an icebreaker conversation. I am happy that they feel comfortable divulging such sensitive topics in their lives, but around other children, I don't think it's the best idea. If they were older, sure, but they are both so young.
Something new everyday!
-CQ
Good response. Dee does use her past as an ice breaker. She wants to feel pitied. In Sunday School, she always groups herself with children who have brothers and sisters, though she is being raised as an only child. So kids use to tell her no she is in the wrong group, but now they all know the story. So she is sneaky in how she gets her story out. She wants the best of both worlds...pity me Dee and lucky me Dee! We keep trying to get to Normal Lil Dee!
ReplyDeleteR vacilitates between wanting to not tell anyone and using it as part of her personal introduction. She started telling people less information and more "I am adopted from foster care" after shed been home about 1 1/2 yrs. They way she says it tends to make people think it happened last week lol. I am forever saying "yes, almost 2 yrs ago"
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