Our daughter is ten and a half and will soon be entering 5th grade. Her healing, growth and attachment have come a long way in the 15 months she's been home. Her emotional age matches her chronological age most of the time now.
It wasn't that long ago that her emotional age was stuck in the toddler phase. Lots of arguing, defiance, pushing boundaries and tantrums. Big tantrums. Screaming, kicking, dropping to the floor tantrums.
I try to parent to her emotional age. Sometimes that's tricky. Picking up a three year old who keeps running wild in the aisles and carrying her out of the store is pretty easy to do. Picking up your ten year old who is acting like a three year old and removing her from the store is a whole different story!
I started having her climb in the cart as soon as we entered a store - or even before if a cart was available in the parking lot. Yes, we get strange looks and comments from strangers about her being too big. I smile and pretend I didn't hear a word they said. I remind her that Mom & Dad make decisions for what is best for her and it doesn't matter what other people think.
Riding in the cart eases a lot of the temptations and makes controlling her impulses much easier. It makes her feel safe.
Even now that she's in a pretty good place emotionally, she still likes sitting in the cart.
And I still let her.
Even though she's 10 and a half and about to start 5th grade.
Even though she weighs over 100 pounds.
Even though she is so scrunched up these days that she can't possibly comfortable.
Even though people stare at us or make comments.
Even though I have to lift her out so the cart doesn't tip over and she's really heavy!
Even though my husband hates it because he's terrified a classmate will see her and make fun of her.
I don't think she got to experience much riding in the cart when she was little. I think she enjoys getting that experience now. It makes her feel safe and cared for. It helps her feel that I'm the mom, she's the child and I'm providing for her needs. She feels protected and can relax because she doesn't have to work so hard at trying to make good decisions.
She won't want to ride in the cart forever, but this is an easy thing for me to give her while she needs it.
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