A Not So Therapeutic Moment

So you're reading this blog..

And seeing that we cuddle, console, reassure and even coddle our Adopted and/or our Foster Children

And thinking:

"Wow, they are perfect and wonderful people to take on these children and their issues and to handle them so delicately."

I am going to set the record straight, yes we do coddle them and console them and treat them with care.  But there are days that aren't so therapeutic... well that isn't completely accurate.  There are days when coddling and wearing kid gloves won't get through.  There are days when you just need to be blunt, direct, honest and to the point.

We have an issue with rules, following them to be exact.  Our children's birthmom didn't have rules for them, they stayed up all night, ate junk food (if they ate) and did what they pleased.  "C"indy will regularly remind us "Well our birthmom would let us do it.  We didn't have rules with her.  I want to live with her."  This has been going on over week, mostly due to some recent events and we have discussed it therapeutically about why she can't live with her BirthMom.  So last night when it was dinner and "C"indy decided she didn't want to eat what we were having (which then incites a riot with the other two children.. because "C"indy is the oldest).  She pulled the BirthMom card again.  (mind you this converstation is not verbatim, but the context is still there)

My response, "Do you say that because you think it hurts our feelings? Because it doesn't.  So you still need to eat your dinner." 

"C"indy... a flow of tears ensued.

Me, (more calmly) "Why can't you live with your BirthMom?"

"C"indy, "because we need to be safe and have rules"

Me, "That's right, what happens when you don't follow the rules as an adult?"

"C"indy, "you get in jail"

Me, "And is that something you want?"

"C"indy, "No" (tears have subsided)

Me, "You know we all have rules, even adults.  I can't wear flip flops to work and Daddy can't wear jeans to his work.  You think that's silly don't you?"

"C"indy, "Yah"

Me, "But it isn't, its a rule that we have to follow.  So you have to eat your dinner because its heathly, and you need to be healthy and safe."

"C"indy, "Fine"

So there are times, when all the coddling and consoling won't have the same results and we just need to be honest, straightforward and a little bit blunt.