Friday, October 12, 2012
When "Outsiders" Don't Get it...
We have therapists for our children, we practice unique coping mechanisms to help them deal with their feelings... Sometimes these things when witnessed seem well odd. Especially, our Permissible Fits (basically, when the kids are having a rough time coping, we allow them to tantrum). Scream, Stomp their feet, Jump up and Down, Cry, Yell.. get the feelings out. At times, they can be hesitant and need encouragement... so one way to do it is to coax them by betting they can be louder than me. And sure enough it works.. granted walking into the middle of this as a "Muggle" you would see a crazy lady and a child tantruming.
The question, I pose is how to get the "Muggles" to maybe not understand these unique parenting methods or coping skills, but to not pass judgment on their either. I find that I am anger at the judgments made and the comments I've heard. My children THRIVE on structure. The structure they receive is from positive reinforcement for their "good" choices, follow through on promises, and even knowing that if they make the wrong choice there will be a consequence.
We employ Love & Logic and Bryan Post's methods, because each method works well only on one child.. we seem to always be trying new tactics to help them and ourselves. Our goal is for them to have stability - stability they didn't receive in their early years, love - unconditional love, not love when a parent is feeling unloved, and success - complete and total success in all that they choose to do or be.
If only those "Muggles" could see just what we do and give for our children, the nights we have internal conflict over whether or not we handled a situation sufficiently. The moments in therapy when the child confesses something so heart wrenching you later sit down and cry in silence for them.
So, if you have any techniques, pamphlets or advice I'd love to hear it... because right now I am at the point where I feel like the only thing I can do is turn the other cheek.