Be Silly to Get Unstuck

Like most children who struggle with emotional and behavioral issues brought on by the trauma they were put through early in life, Princess gets STUCK sometimes.  She got stuck A LOT when she first came home to us two years ago, age age 9.  A lot of healing, progress and hard work has taken place since then, but she still gets stuck sometimes.  We are just coming off a really rough patch while we were trying to find the right anxiety medication for her.  There were near daily meltdowns during this period.  Her separation anxiety was epic.  Getting her to school was a real challenge on several occasions. 

One morning I was about to lose it when she was refusing to go to school (again).  She'd been crying/wailing/screaming/kicking her feet toddler style for over an hour past when we should have left for school.  I took a little break and walked away for a minute or two to breathe.  Then I sat next to her, softly stroked her hair and quietly said our mantra to her a few times: "You're safe.  You're loved.  You can handle this."

She screamed louder to cover up my voice.

So I decided to change things up.  I belted it out opera style!  The louder she screamed, the louder I sang.  And the more off key! 
By the third round, she was struggling not to laugh.  By the fifth, she was singing along!  We sang it together all the way to school. 

I've pulled it out a few times since then with the same results.  Try it with anything you want to say. 

"It's time to clean your room." 
"Pee in the toilet not the laundry basket." 
"I'm never going to leave you."

Let me know if it gets your kiddo unstuck!

Here's a video of Princess and I reenacting it.  Ignore the dark, sideways image of dolls.  The audio is what we wanted to present!

And so it begins...

The school has been notified and acknowledged that they are out of compliance on her IEP.

Let the good times roll.

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I missed you.

Well one day down. We are on a more structured routine than normal to create a less stressful environment.
She had a "yellow" day at school because she was not willing to do her class work cooperatively.
That's good by me. I knew she was struggling.

But she missed me and wrote me a note:

School anxiety

We need to get back to the school routine. We have established a whole new routine that we now have to shed.

She is both excited and anxiety riddled about tomorrow. She wants to see her friend. She is worried that she won't be able to hold it together.

She has a 3 hour cheer practice on next Saturday that she's also processing.

I am looking forward to routine- but as much as a typically enjoy my job- I wish I didn't have to go. I wish I could be a stay at home mom. But I am a single mom, so that's not in the stars for me right now.

I will be getting on the IEP business asap.

My main goals:

Supervised Bathroom
Better Math Instruction
Occupational Therapy
Speech Therapy
Ancillary Review

Wish me luck!

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"Happy" New Year!

My sweet girl uses aggreSsion and anger in place of fear.

We have talked a lot about making a choice to evaluate our feelings, use words and chOose happiness.

We worked today on the concept of resolutions. She seemed to catch on after we tried a few times.

Attempt 1:

1. Go to the ice cream shop
2. Go to Best Buy
3. Go toy shopping
4. Go to target
5. Go to Dallas for 4 days

Attempt 2:

1. Go shopping in Dallas for 4 days too.
2. Go swimming.
3. Go to Grandmom and Granddads house
4. Go to my sisters house for 4 days
5. Go to my Uncles house for 5 days.

Attempt 3:

1. I will be a happy girl.
2. I will use my words.
3. I will be calm.
4. I will be kind.
5. I will use good manners.

My resolution is to be a better mom. That encompasses about 10 different things. I predict success. :)

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A refreshing dedication

So I took a few months off from blogging. Somethings went well. Others didn't. We went on a vacation to our favorite national park with a number of extended family members. It was good. And interesting. And then I got SICK as a dog. With some viral upper respitory stuff that lasted for like 3 weeks! And my dear baby girl got it too. So we were both sick, and stressed.

And then we had the holidays- for which I was ill. It was traumatic for my girl. And it has been packed away. We are visiting family now- and have a little more gifting to do but not much.

We are having a sibling visit tomorrow with her older sister. I am hopeful that both girls can come away feeling good from seeing each other one day. So far that hasn't been the case.

I am returning to blogging. Probably weekly. I miss it as a release and processing space.

After school returns I will be blogging about some IEP stuff. Because on Jan. 3rd- my school is OUT OF COMPLIANCE. Her entire IEP expired at the end of school in December.

I hope all you in bloggy world are having a good holiday and are finding your own inner peace.

Happy New YEAR!

Putting it in to practice

After a horrible 6 weeks that began mid August and slowed at the beginning of September, my dd immediately GREW. She went from size 7/8 to 10 in a week, from size 3 shoes to size 5 in the same week.

And in the past week, I have seen her put in to practice the social skills and manners I has desperately tried to impart upon her. AND she has made logical cognitive connections between things we've done in the past- over 2 yrs ago- to things we did this weekend! We had completely different festivities last year, as we had a sibling visit out of town last year. But even information from things we did, such as attend a pow wow, she was able to connect to a group of aztec dancers we saw this weekend. Making these connections has always been hard for her. She had no sense of tradition or ritual or routine when she came. The cultural context of our society was lost on her- DESPITE being in texas foster care for most of her life.

I am so excited about the growth I am seeing. She's voluntarily asking for more extensive school work in our home school sessions (additional to her public school education). She's been very aggressive with her spatial processing therapy- and is making tangible gains daily.

But man those six weeks of daily rage, reminiscent of our first days together, were scary. I am not saying it sunshine and roses either. She struggled Halloween day with anticipation of trick or treating AND her best friends court day for adoption today. Her behavior wasn't awesome, but it wasn't what it would have been 4 weeks ago, or a year ago, or 2 years ago.

I am so proud of her!
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